I don't know why I'm so anxious about it. It's not like my parents have ever needed to push me to do homework. I do it naturally. Not because I want to necessarily, but because I feel like I need to. It's a do or die thing. I know, I really need to get my priorities straight. Anyways, the reason that I have such anxiety surrounding the need to be successful in everything I do is that society has decided to place this expectation on people in this generation. I don't know why they have decided to raise the standards so much, but they have.
For example, I learned a lot more material in high school than either of my parents. After seventh grade, I couldn't ask my dad for help with math homework, and he was really good at math in high school and college. The curriculum has become a lot more rigorous, especially with all the honors courses and AP courses that put many students ahead of the already accelerated coursework.
It would be ridiculous of me to claim that the change in standards came only for my age group. It's been a gradual process, I know. As more knowledge becomes attainable and more resources become available, there is more to be taught, more to learn.
One major problem we have today is with how we measure success. It's all about the grade or the percentage or the GPA. But, let's face it, that may not be a very accurate way of evaluating a person's success. Then again, what is success?
I believe success to not be dependent on how well I do on a test. There have been plenty of times that I don't do as well on an exam as I wanted to. However, if the mistakes I made were due to stupid errors instead of unpreparedness, I'm able to get past the grade. That is until a classmate rubs in their 125% they received. Then I start to get upset. I feel like I've let someone down. Myself? Maybe. My parents? Probably.
I'm not sure why I think my parents will think less of me because of a silly letter grade. They never have and they never will. Unless of course I start failing all my classes. But that won't happen. I have anxiety, remember? I also like to "compare and despair" a lot between myself and others. Another skill taught to us by society. We have so many competition shows on the television these days that it's hard not to get competitive in everything we do. I probably wouldn't be so competitive in school if everyone else around me in high school would have chilled out for a bit.
Back to what success is. I don't think it's dependent on a letter grade. It's not about how well I do on a test, but about what I learned from the class. There is some information I learned in high school and was tested on that is quite irrelevant to my life. Sure, it was nice to know for a bit, but I don't need it now. The information that sticks with me is what i'm passionate about and what I enjoy. That is what is more important. In college, the pressure is on more because we take classes specifically for our major which will then translate into a career that will affect the REST OF OUR LIVES (no pressure).
In the end, our grades won't matter. What will matter is the way we lived and how we felt about it. What will matter is how we grew from experiences: either positive or negative. I know this point has been preached before. If you're annoyed by hearing this then I want you to take a step back and evaluate whether you measure your success on the scale that matters most. I know that I am still stuck on grades, but I'm trying to outgrow that. With a little practice I just might be able to. And with it, perhaps my anxiety will lessen and I won't get panic attacks when I'm at home doing something enjoyable instead of practicing piano.
I could write so much more about living life to its fullest, but I should go to bed soon. I also should think about becoming a philosopher, eh, eh?
But really...should I minor in philosophy?
That would drive my mom nuts. I know she's already thinking it's weird my brother's minoring in philosophy...I just might do it anyways.
Because existentialism sounds fun.
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